In the old noggin...

In trying to figure out what to post about this evening, I realized I was trying to force something just for the sake of....whatever. I lost my train of thought. Awesome, I love when that happens. So here's a list of things that are on my mind at the moment:

1) I watch wayyyyy too much TV. So much so that I made an excel spreadsheet so I could keep track of the shows I watch. Yes! Dedication! Also, if the list of shows you watch is over the number of fingers on your hand(s), you know you watch too much! I am going to refrain from telling you my number because it's RIDICULOUS. And let me tell you, I am suuuuuper behind. I feel like trying to catch up would take months. It probably will. Because it's almost like a second job. Or a sickness. Yeah, definitely a sickness. I should probably get help, but I don't have time because of all the shows I watch. Yeah...

2) Everybody is KILLING IT on Facebook these days. People getting engaged, or married, or having babies, or starting businesses, or getting jobs that they've been dreaming about since they were still in the womb. That's awesome. GOOD FOR YOU. I'm thrilled that your lives are taking off while I still cuddle with my stuffed animal Pigglywinks every night and have very little direction otherwise. But whatever, Pigglywinks will be with me forever! Commitment! It's a thing! Whatever, sometimes I like to cuddle. And I've got a cool job right now, too! So THERE. Suck it. Wait...Anyway, good job people of the world. High fives for everyone.

3) I joined a gym! Hurray fitness! I am TOTALLY going to be bikini ready by 2013. Seriously, that's what I told them my goal was and they were all "Oh yeah, that's definitely doable!" And in my head I was thinking "uh, if it's not doable that's really freaking pathetic since this summer is barely over!" Anyway. Getting in shape! Being healthy! Great!

4) INTERNET DATING IS STILL DUMB. That's all I have to say on that right now. (But seriously, it's dumb. For realz.)


Ok well I guessssssss that's all that's on my mind right about now. So if you'll excuse me I am going to go eat a big bowl of ice cream while I think about my personal training session I'm having tomorrow, and then I'm going to cuddle with Pigglywinks. (Minus the bowl of ice cream. BIKINI 2013 HERE I COME!)

Thoughts

I want to weird you out.

I want to change my clothes from my normal patterns. No jeans, no t-shirt, no sweater. I want to start wearing dresses just to see what you'd say. Do my hair in ribbons and curls. Paint my face with the colors of the wardrobe I'll put away.

I want to tease you with my brain, just like you tease me with yours. I want to watch your face change with the words I've chosen to tantalize your thoughts. I want you to think about me. Think of no one else for awhile.

I want to listen to your past, and have you listen to mine. I want to know how you came to be like this. How you think, how you feel. Where your brain goes when you're not paying attention. What you listen to when you're having a bad day. What makes you breathless.

I want to spend time with you, away from here, from the prying eyes of the public who don't know what things are unless they're spelled out. Go somewhere and have a beer with you, let our words and thoughts play together. Maybe our fingers.

I want you to want these things too.

Can I borrow some sugar?

I am very vocal with some of my friends about wanting to do things that are a little more than friendly with people. Here are some commonly used phrases that I will say to my friends but would never say to the person I'm interested in (unless we've been dating for awhile):

I want your/his face on my face.

I want to make out with your/his face.

I want to lick your/his face. 

Let's make out. 

I wish we were naked baking. (WHICH SEEMS SUPER DANGEROUS AND I WOULD NEVER DO)

I want to give him some of my cookies. (both literally and...double entendre-y)

There are a few more but those are more towards specific people and NOT APPROPRIATE FOR THE RANDOM PEOPLE OF THE INTERNETS TO KNOW AT THIS PRESENT MOMENT.

Thank you for your time. 

PS I'm in big trouble these days...definitely channeling Sandra Bullock in Two Weeks Notice or Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal. Ten points to you if you guess the connection! (Aside from the part where I'm super sexy. That's way too obvious!)

Hmm...

I just wanted to let the world know that during last night's midnight earthquake, my response was to take off my pants. This was a reasonable reaction in my half asleep state.

Clearly I am the kind of person you would want around in an emergency. Clearly.

Labor Day Ineptitude

Last night I tried to make a smoothie and failed. Apparently I don't know how to use a blender. Exciting night!

Then today, I asked a friend of mine if I should sign up for speed dating. She read "special ed" and thought it was a normal question for me to be asking.

Happy Labor Day!

65 years and still going strong

My grandparents' 65th anniversary is today. That's nuts! And awesome.

Anyway, I thought I'd share the speech I gave at their party on Sunday. Enjoy!

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My grandparents are pretty great. Obviously you all know this, because you're here today to celebrate the love that these two wonderful people have shared for 65 years. When I think about it, I can hardly fathom that amount of time. My longest relationship was two years, and just that blip seems like a long time to me. 

One of the things I love most about about them is how encouraging they are. Not in the generic "you can do it" kind of way. They push. Grandpa has told me more times than I can count that I need to stand up for myself so people don't walk all over me. Not because they do, but just as a reminder that I'm a person that should be thought of when taking things into consideration. And grandma continues to tell me that I can do anything I want to do, because I'm smart enough to figure out how to make whatever I want happen. Everyone can always use people like them in their corner.

Something else amazing about them is how caring they are, not only towards each other, but to everyone around them. I have heard from both of them numerous times that if something is bothering me about what they're saying or asking or doing, to make sure I tell them and they'll stop doing it. Of course, I haven't needed to because of how wonderful they are. They always want to make sure that everyone around them is having a good time. And I know they appreciate all of you being here to enjoy this celebration with them.

They are great role models, and I hope that when I grow up, I am as delightful to be around, as sassy, and as in love as these two fantastic people I get to call my grandparents.

Notification Validation

Facebook is probably ruining my life.

The red notification number. That's all I want to see. When I'm on googlereader reading blogs, I just toggle my screen to check on Facebook to see if I have any new notifications. Watching things on hulu, during the commercial breaks, I check. WRITING A BLOG POST, I CHECK.

For me, and probably a lot of people, a notification is the ultimate sign of validation. I'll post a status, hoping that someone will like it or comment on it. And if they don't, usually within 15-20 minutes, I delete it. Because I can't stand the fact that I've put something out there that no one can identify with. What's the point of sharing something if no one cares?

I know, you're supposed to do everything you do for your own enjoyment, but...sometimes, the validation is what you need. Most of the time, I need validation. I don't even have a good reason for it, really. My parents are still together, I had no real childhood problems (as far as I know), I wasn't adopted or abandoned (except by an afterschool program, but they didn't really have their act together)...so why do I need to be validated so much?

This new feature facebook has, where it tells you if people have seen your message is really screwing me up too. They had that on my old phone with bbm, where it would show you if something was delivered and then if it was read. It gives you a complex! "They've seen my message, but they haven't responded. Why haven't they responded? Do they hate me? Are we in a fight that I forgot about?" Just thinking about it is stressing me out!

I need a xanax. (Is that what people take? I should get on facebook and check that.)


*Things I didn't touch on that facebook is also stressing me out about: Business success, engagements/new relationships, babies. I don't have any of these things. WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.

i made a video...blog!

You guys! I made a video! You should watch it.

If you want.

(No pressure.)

(Please watch it.)

Thanks!

okcupid! okstupid! aah! what!

I have officially been on OKCupid for...ew, way too long to count. I just went back in my email to check because I was SURE it couldn't have been as long as it has. I was wrong. I've been on there since March 11. MARCH. IT IS ALMOST JULY.

Originally, I signed up on there because I wanted to have some good stories to tell about some terrible pick up lines sent to me that I wasn't sure if they were actual pick up lines or if that's how the guys on there talk. (Still not sure if they were serious or if they sent me terrible things because I set myself up for it.) I wasn't even going to respond to messages because that's how little I had invested in this project. I just thought it would be funny! And it was, for awhile. Well, funny and gross. And then I figured, well, why not respond to messages and see what happens? Again, more stories will come from this! Hurray blogging material and life experiences!

And then I started exchanging phone numbers with people. Meeting up with them, going on a few dates.

And then I was brutally murdered and chopped into little pieces.

Just kidding! Obviously. (Or am I? I guess you'll never know! Nah, you're smart. You'll figure it out. Probably.)

I went on a few dates that seemed promising, and then never heard from the guys again. I went on a few dates that were really terrible and didn't STOP hearing from the guys. (Isn't that how it always is?)

And now I'm in a happy relationship! I met someone off OKCupid! And we're getting married! And you're all invited!

Just kidding, again. You'd all be invited, except I haven't been able to go on more than 2 dates with any of the guys on there. Apparently I'm not just bad at life, I'm bad at guys. YAY!

Anyway, after all the "gems" I received on OKCupid, I decided that I would do what any normal person would do...(if you guessed delete my profile you would be WRONG)

I signed up for Jdate again!

Hopefully this time it'll be better, but if notttttttttt then I'm probably destined to die alone. That's cool, I already bought a stuffed animal. And my roommate has cats. WIN WIN WIN!


Here are some of the delicious things I received while on OKCupid:

"Hey, your eyes are so sexy, where are u from ? I'd like to get to know u :) "

"Are you a human or just an account the website created to get guys to join?"

"call me up, we'll do something fun your kind of sexy in a cool sort of way" - thanks for the backhanded compliment, dude

BUT THIS ONE IS THE WINNER AND YOU'RE WELCOME BECAUSE NOW YOU HAVE A TEMPLATE FOR SENDING GIRLS MESSAGES:

"Dear (insert girl's name here),

How are you? I am fine. What is your favorite color? Mine is burnt sienna. I can see from your profile that you are a girl of many interests. You like (insert activity from her profile here) and I do too. You also like (insert DIFFERENT activity here) and I also like that too.

Do you enjoy candlelit dinners, romantic movies and long walks on the beach? See, I do too.

I wanted to write this special message just for you today, (insert girl's name again), to tell you just how amazing it would be if we went out on a date to (insert fun, but not too expensive, date venue). As you can tell, we already have so much in common like (insert activity, music and food selection) that our connection is bound to be very strong and passionate and will only grow stronger and more passionate when we discover more about each other, (insert girl's name).

That sounds really good, doesn't it.

I look forward to your response so that we may both set off on the magical journey that is our destiny, (girl's name). You are the only girl on (insert the dating website here) that I have felt any connection to and the only one that I have written this very special message to.

In closing, I will leave you with a quote from one of my favorite poets:

(Insert poetry quote here)

Truly,

(insert MY name here)"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy internet dating!

So sad :(

At least I have a carrier for my groceries. Which is a cart. In my apartment. I need to put the carrier in my car so I can use it to carry my groceries from my car to my apartment. I NEED A BOYFRIEND TO CARRY MY GROCERY CARRIER TO MY CAR!!!!

I live a sad life.

:(