Monday, February 27, 2012

hip...hip hop...hip hop anonymous?

I went to a dance show this weekend, which was awesome. I seriously think that I should just take like 500 hip hop classes and then I'll be knock your socks off good at it (that's a thing people say, isn't it?).  I mean, here is proof that I'm pretty good at hip hop already after JUST ONE CLASS!

I know, right? Amazing.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Humiliation! #1

I was reading an article on HelloGiggles that said something about how a person's life is really measured by their humiliations. Well, GOOD! Because I have a lot. But humiliating life experiences make good stories, right? Kind of.

The first thing that popped in my mind was when I was at a memorial service for my friend's grandmother when we were about 11 or 12. (I know, this is hilarious already, right? Just stick with me, it'll work out, I promise. And if not, leave a comment and I'll give you cookies.) My Havurah (pseudo-family in Jewish-speak) was all there as a support system. There were a handful of families, and they all had kids. So, once the "serious" stuff was over, everyone in my age group went into another room to hang out, talk, and play the game of LIFE.

Now, this was no ordinary game. Of course, you have the regular board game where you decide if you want to skip college and get a job, or go to college and then get a job, get married, get some kids, and drive around in a happy little car thing with pink or blue pegs. But our version of the game was a covert version of spin the bottle. Each person had a number on the spinner, and whichever number came up was the person who would get kissed. Smart, right? If a parent came in, it looked like we were playing LIFE, so it was safe! We looked like good kids! Not up to anything out of the ordinary! Making life choices! (bad pun, sorry)

WELL! It was my turn to spin, so there we were, going at it, for about seven seconds (this was pre-french kissing, so we just had extended smooches). About halfway through, everyone started laughing, and I had no idea why. GUESS WHAT?! The Rabbi who had done the service had walked in!

(I hid in the bathroom for the rest of the evening.)

Already a hussy at only 11. Jeez.

Yay embarrassment!

(Also, as I was writing this I commented on someone's status and no one responded to what I thought was hilarious so yeah. Humiliation continues. Cool story, bro.)

Edit: I was just informed by my mom that this actually took place about 10 years ago, and not 14. Good. I guess that makes me a little bit less of a hussy? That doesn't seem right. Good luck figuring out the timeline that doesn't make sense!

Saturday, February 11, 2012


Someone found my blog by going to How does that even happen?!

Anyway, Valentine's day is just around the corner (TUESDAY!) and my plan is to watch Wall-E, eat ice cream, and try to hold hands with myself. Because that's what Wall-E does until he finds Eve! And my lifelong goal is be like Wall-E. Clean the earth and put it in boxes by sticking it in my belly. What? I don't know. But I don't rain on your life goals, so don't rain on mine. Plus if you did, I'd rust. (Get it? Because I'm a robot? Yeesh, terrible.)

So I'll leave you with this lovely Valentine's Day card! Hope you have a wonderful Hallmark Holiday!

Made by my good friend Brian Monarch.  Get the template here!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


Last night I had a dream that I lived in a house full of comics and an OCD comedian I know came over after I had emptied a box of clothes that I was trying to get rid of and I was like "WHAT TERRIBLE TIMING FOR YOU TO SEE THIS!" And then I asked if my box was done being used and then I laughed at myself because I made a vagina joke in my dream. And then I woke up.