Friday, June 22, 2012

okcupid! okstupid! aah! what!

I have officially been on OKCupid for...ew, way too long to count. I just went back in my email to check because I was SURE it couldn't have been as long as it has. I was wrong. I've been on there since March 11. MARCH. IT IS ALMOST JULY.

Originally, I signed up on there because I wanted to have some good stories to tell about some terrible pick up lines sent to me that I wasn't sure if they were actual pick up lines or if that's how the guys on there talk. (Still not sure if they were serious or if they sent me terrible things because I set myself up for it.) I wasn't even going to respond to messages because that's how little I had invested in this project. I just thought it would be funny! And it was, for awhile. Well, funny and gross. And then I figured, well, why not respond to messages and see what happens? Again, more stories will come from this! Hurray blogging material and life experiences!

And then I started exchanging phone numbers with people. Meeting up with them, going on a few dates.

And then I was brutally murdered and chopped into little pieces.

Just kidding! Obviously. (Or am I? I guess you'll never know! Nah, you're smart. You'll figure it out. Probably.)

I went on a few dates that seemed promising, and then never heard from the guys again. I went on a few dates that were really terrible and didn't STOP hearing from the guys. (Isn't that how it always is?)

And now I'm in a happy relationship! I met someone off OKCupid! And we're getting married! And you're all invited!

Just kidding, again. You'd all be invited, except I haven't been able to go on more than 2 dates with any of the guys on there. Apparently I'm not just bad at life, I'm bad at guys. YAY!

Anyway, after all the "gems" I received on OKCupid, I decided that I would do what any normal person would do...(if you guessed delete my profile you would be WRONG)

I signed up for Jdate again!

Hopefully this time it'll be better, but if notttttttttt then I'm probably destined to die alone. That's cool, I already bought a stuffed animal. And my roommate has cats. WIN WIN WIN!

Here are some of the delicious things I received while on OKCupid:

"Hey, your eyes are so sexy, where are u from ? I'd like to get to know u :) "

"Are you a human or just an account the website created to get guys to join?"

"call me up, we'll do something fun your kind of sexy in a cool sort of way" - thanks for the backhanded compliment, dude


"Dear (insert girl's name here),

How are you? I am fine. What is your favorite color? Mine is burnt sienna. I can see from your profile that you are a girl of many interests. You like (insert activity from her profile here) and I do too. You also like (insert DIFFERENT activity here) and I also like that too.

Do you enjoy candlelit dinners, romantic movies and long walks on the beach? See, I do too.

I wanted to write this special message just for you today, (insert girl's name again), to tell you just how amazing it would be if we went out on a date to (insert fun, but not too expensive, date venue). As you can tell, we already have so much in common like (insert activity, music and food selection) that our connection is bound to be very strong and passionate and will only grow stronger and more passionate when we discover more about each other, (insert girl's name).

That sounds really good, doesn't it.

I look forward to your response so that we may both set off on the magical journey that is our destiny, (girl's name). You are the only girl on (insert the dating website here) that I have felt any connection to and the only one that I have written this very special message to.

In closing, I will leave you with a quote from one of my favorite poets:

(Insert poetry quote here)


(insert MY name here)"


Happy internet dating!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

So sad :(

At least I have a carrier for my groceries. Which is a cart. In my apartment. I need to put the carrier in my car so I can use it to carry my groceries from my car to my apartment. I NEED A BOYFRIEND TO CARRY MY GROCERY CARRIER TO MY CAR!!!!

I live a sad life.