Tuesday, October 22, 2013

BIRTHDAY WISHES

You guys I know you're all wondering what to get me for my birthday (NOVEMBER 21ST, don't forget or I'll cry even more than I have been recently - MAYBE I'M A CRYBABY, I'LL ADD TISSUES TO THE LIST) so I decided to make a list to make it easy. I know, I'm like the best friend ever, no big deal. Anyway, let me know if you think you'll get any of these for me because I want to make sure that I don't get two of something - no need to be greedy or whatever.

LIST TIME!

- new iphone 5s in silver (because gold is for crazy people)
- new macbook (13" is fine, no need to be all crazy and get a macbook pro again - even though I DO watch all my tv on my laptop)
- donations towards my new home fund
- donations towards my new bakery (although let's be real, I haven't baked anything since August so maybe just place some cookie orders?!)
- gym membership (never giving up on the dream of bikini bod 2013)
- tissues

I know you're all like, money conscious (or whatever, ugh) so if two or three of you want to go in on one thing that would be totes fine with me. I'm not picky. I just WANT all this stuff! So make it happen. Please and thank you.

You're all beautiful and I love you! Most of the time.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

NO CAKE FOR YOU

Last night I was super looking forward to having a bowl of cereal for dinner (because who doesn't love breakfast at all times of every day??) but then I did this crazy workout and realized I couldn't have cereal because it would just reverse everything I had done. DAMMIT. So I made eggs with zucchini, squash, and parmesan cheese. Almost breakfast....

AND ON TOP OF THAT I MISSED THE FREE BACKSTREET BOYS CONCERT.

Clearly, my priorities have shifted.

Also now I really want cake. And froyo. (But I always want froyo, so....)

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Caught

So. You guys. I was caught doing something that I shouldn't have been. And I wish I could say that I didn't do it, and that I have never done it, and that I'm going to stop doing it, but I can't. It's just too good.

I was caught watching an episode of the Bachelor.

Now, before you stop reading and completely discredit me...I don't do it because I think it's a good show, or I'm a super romantic, or anything like that. I do it because it's very educational. I need to know what the general population thinks is crazy and what is normal. And on the bachelor, ALL THE GIRLS ARE CRAZY. So basically, I watch it to know what I should not act like.

Does that make me crazy? Am I crazy for watching a show to learn how to not be crazy? Hmmmm.

My biggest issue with this show is that it seems like the girls who are the most insane get the roses (meaning they get to stay on the show, for the uninitiated). For example, there were a few episodes this season where the following happened:

GIRL: (crying) This is too hard, I can't compete with other girls for your heart. You can't treat me like this. I don't deserve this.
BACHELOR: I'm crazy about you. You're great. I'm going to break the rules and be right back. Here's a rose. Now you know I don't want you to leave.
GIRL: (in interview) I know he cares about me now because he gave me a rose.

WHAT.

Obviously, I'm paraphrasing, but SERIOUSLY? You manipulated him into giving you a rose. I'm definitely learning manipulation techniques by watching this show, that's for sure. But why are the guys encouraging the girls with this behavior?! If a girl is telling you that she doesn't know where the two of you stand every single time you talk...tell her you stand no where and to get the hell away from you. Don't give her a rose and keep her around. That is ridiculously high maintenance, and if that's what you're after...well, I have no words for you.

And not only that, but how do these girls say "I love you" so easily?! They've been with whoever the guy is for like five minutes. Really?! How the heck can they know that they're already in love? "I love his big beefy arms." That's a statement you can make. "I love who you are." HOW CAN YOU KNOW WHO HE IS AFTER BARELY ONE DATE?! No. You're wrong.

In conclusion, I think all the girls on the show are crazy, and the only way to know how to be less crazy is to watch crazy so you don't do it. Perfectly logical explanation.

SO THERE.

(Now if you'll excuse me there's a tell all episode tonight. Maybe he'll explain his thought process behind keeping the crazy girl for so long...yes. That's why I'm watching. Not because of his big beefy arms.)

Friday, December 14, 2012

One Year!

You guys. Let's talk.

First of all, how are you? How have you been? It's been aaaages since we've caught up. I'm sorry I've been kind of MIA for the past month, there's been a lot going on...you know, with my fancy new job (which I'll probably not have soon) and my mission of bikini bod '13 and all that. I'm sorry it's been all about me. So tell me, what's new with you? How's life? Anything exciting happening?

I have some exciting news. Well, not really news, more like...an anniversary to celebrate. I've officially had this little blog thing that documents some of my more ridiculous times for a year! ONE WHOLE YEAR! That's pretty cool. And I've still got so many stories to tell (because obviously the nonsense never stops over here).

I might take some time off for the holidays (BECAUSE I'M BUSY, JEEZ. YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE) but I'll try to come back and post a little more regularly in the new year. And who knows, maybe more video blogs??? Hmm??

And if you haven't been missing my posts, well..........cool. I suppose I still love you. Maybe a little less, but I do anyway. Because I'm nice like that. (it's the holiday season, I'm only nice right now...OR AM I?!?!!!???!?! Yeah, I am. Or I'm not. One of those. Now I've confused myself. You figure it out.)

If I could bake you cookies to show my appreciation for reading I would, but my oven is broken. I hope you won't hold that against me. I mean, really, I'm the one suffering here. So. Yeah.

Anyway. Happy holidays and have a great New Year! See you in 2013!

Friday, November 16, 2012

Dancing!

So this week seemed to be going really slowly, and I wanted to figure out how to make it go faster...so I made a short dance video for every day! Here they are. WOO DANCING OH MAN I AM SO WHITE.


Hope you enjoyed! Ha. Ridiculous.

Monday, November 12, 2012

sometimes you f-eel like a nut


James: Oh! did I tell you that I got into a fight this weekend too?
me: WHAT THE HELL JAMES
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE
James: it was nuits
the first fight of my life
and I have a slightly black eye
me: what happened?!
James: I was leaving a bar, and this guy shoved me over a fire hydrant
cuz I guess I was in his way?
and so I started yelling at him, calling him all kinds of names
and really if I had just shut my mouth, I probably would have made it home intact
cuz I just kept on him
until he came over and started swinging
me: did you fight back or was it just one punch and you were out?
James: his first punch took my glasses off
so then we started tussling
me: wow
James: it was in front of an apartment building, and someone in there yelled that they were calling the cops
and he ran off
and I got in a cab and went home
me: well good job not getting hurt too bad
James: it really was the exact perfect amount of a fight
I had something to show for it, but nothing was really hurt
me: were you by yourself at that point?
James: yes
if I had been with anyone else, I definitely would have let it go
me: you are a troublemaker
me: what did kelsey say about all this?
James: she was out of town this weekend
so I called her and told her yesterday
and she said "I told you to be safe while I was gone!"
me: good job listening
James: okay, let's all agree right now that I'm definitely not the kind of person who goes around starting fights
me: no
you're a huge fight starter
you're an instigator
insta-gator
YOU'RE AN INSTANT ALLIGATOR
congratulations
James: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
if you had sent me a pic of that eel right after that, I would have broken this computer from laughing so hard

ALSO EVERYONE SHOULD GO LOOK AT THIS BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Locked Up

Everyone is always talking about their hearts. "I'm heartbroken." " My heart is full of love." "It warmed my heart to see that." "She stole my heart."

I feel like I put my heart away years ago and haven't had the courage to let it out. It's wrapped in a jail cell, where it can see, and it knows that there are things out there that it wants, but it can't quite reach them. Because if it reaches them, someday it'll break again, and it's too fragile for that. 

But hearts are made to be broken, aren't they? If they weren't, why would it be so easy to make them fall apart? That's how you figure out what your heart wants most. And yet, I keep it hidden. No freedom for my heart. 

Maybe I don't know what being heartbroken actually feels like because of how long it's been away from the world. Left in the past, never seen again. Even though love was spoken of, who knows if it was really there. Just because you say "I love you" doesn't mean your heart is there...or maybe that's not how love works.

"Quit playing games with my heart." 

Talking about hearts makes me lightheaded. Too nervous to even think about giving my heart away, and yet it seems so easy for you to talk about it, casually bring it up in conversation. 

I want the love. But I can't let my heart out of it's jail cell. Maybe you have the key.

(written 10/12/12, postponed for marination)

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Apples and spice and everything nice

I want to bake something to make you fall in love. I had a recipe once that was called "Boy Bait" or something like that, but I never ended up making it. I didn't want to use it on anyone. Use my powers for good, or something like that. I told a guy about it, and he said we should make it together. Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose?

Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure that recipe had blueberries.

I want to bake something with apples and cinnamon, because that's what fall feels like, and fall feels like love. The beginning of new romance even though the leaves fall off the trees and everything becomes colder. Wearing scarves and gloves. (The most romantic thing I can think of - which actually isn't THAT romantic, and is actually kind of dumb if you live in a place where it snows - is sharing gloves with someone, where you each wear one and then hold hands. What? Gross.) Although fall is the gateway to the holiday season, where you're basically made to feel lonely if you don't have someone because of all the commercials. At least that's how I feel. (Duh. These are my thoughts.)

I very rarely bake with apples, because I'm bad at cutting things. I like to make recipes that are easy. Both because I'm lazy and because I'm still scared of things. (That describes my whole life.)

If this is fall, why is it 85 degrees outside? Give me apples and cinnamon any day. Seriously, if my room would smell like apples and cinnamon year round, I would be a very happy girl. (Hard to believe, I know, but...)

REMINDER

Just a reminder, kids. Internet/facebook stalking is BAD. DON'T DO IT.

I mean, do what you want, but in the interest of your sanity, I would say don't. Unless you like feeling insane. Which is possible. Maybe it's like a high without the harmful side effects? For you. Not for me. I don't know, though. I don't know you. I mean, I know some of you. I should take a poll.

Polls are fun. Sometimes. Depending on what they are.

This is a very wishy-washy post, but the main thing you should take away from this is INTERNET STALKING IS BAD AND HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.

But like I said, do what you want.