Monday, November 30, 2015

We All Have Our Secrets

You'll never know the strange noises I make while driving. 

How when I was younger I preferred my feet covered in socks over bare. How because of that, I fell on my hardwood floors and bruised my tailbone pretty badly. 

How I identify with the most random characters on tv shows. 

How I wanted to get highlights when I was in high school, that my hairstylist promised me I could have them for graduation but I never went back to her because I was scared. 

How I skinned my knee riding a scooter. How I fell off my bike riding down a hill. 

How I chose where I went to college based on someone I didn't want to date. 

How I watch a specific episode of Gilmore Girls when I'm feeling particularly lonely. 

How listening to a certain musical used to give me an insane amount of energy. 

How I felt comfortable being me until middle school, then found it again in high school. Barely. 

How I watch Love Actually in the summer, because I think it's funny to say "all I want for Christmas is you" when it's nowhere near the right season. 

How I had my first kiss at 12, but then again right before my 16th birthday. 

How my shoulders were my favorite part of my body. 

How I feel sexiest when I'm wearing nothing but a fluffy robe and underwear, with the lights dimmed. 

How I used to not feel shy about singing, but now I am. How I wouldn't mind singing for you. 

How I was heartbroken after a boy broke up with me after 17 days in middle school. How I thought that same boy had screamed out "I love you" only the day before. 

How I had a marriage pact, but he backed out because I was getting too old. How my grandpa laughed and said he couldn't marry me anyway. 

How my last boyfriend never said he loved me.  How the boyfriend before that used saying I love you as a weapon. 

How I think that one of the scenes in Kissing Jessica Stein is one of the sexiest I've ever seen. 

How creative I can get in the shower. And out. 

Well, I guess you kind of do now. 

Monday, November 23, 2015


I hate meditating.

When I try to concentrate on my thoughts, I just think how circular my life is. 

Oh look, it's fall again. Or winter? Who can tell with this LA weather. But it's apple baking season, the season of love, the season of sharing gloves and stolen looks and gifts for those you care about. Giving thanks that amazing people are in your life.

While I really do have some absolutely incredible people in my life, I'm alone. Sure, I have friends and family who love me, but I don't have anyone to drape my legs over while I waste time watching tv. No one to hold hands with as I do the most mundane of tasks. Missing the distraction while I bake cookies, sharing the batter to make sure it'll taste ok as we both worry about salmonella. No one to tell all the weird things I think about all day, or hear what they've thought about.

And it's fine. It's not like I'm searching for my other half, someone to complete me like I'm not a full person by myself. I am a person all on my own, and an awesome one at that. But it's hard when everywhere I look I see happy couples, love, romance, rings, hugs, kisses, or WHATEVER just in my face. 

On the other hand's not like I can give my heart away. It's already on loan at the moment, and I can't quite figure out how to get it back, regardless of how hard I try. I'm sure it'll come back eventually...I'm sure that's how it works. 

I'm sure....of nothing. 

Probably eventually I'll find clarity, or I'll lower my standards, or I'll figure out some secret of the universe that'll cause me to chill out (more?) and then everything will be great. 

But until then...give me all the Kit Kats.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Tuesday Thoughts or Whatever

I already finished a carton of eggnog this season and I really want to buy another one SO I MIGHT JUST DO THAT...Next week.

You ever have a weird talent that you can't really share? Like one time I unbuttoned a guys pants with my toes, but that isn't really something I can brag about. Mostly.

Dreams suck sometimes. Last night I had a dream that I begged a guy I had a crush on to come to my birthday. Like, really subconscious? Really? Also in my dreams last night I had to verify that my fitbit was mine. And then I woke up and actually synced my fitbit with my phone. And was very confused as to why I was doing it because I literally hadn't taken any steps at all yet.

How is it possible that my jeans are still turning my hands blue after I've washed them three times? Maybe I'm just magical.


I always forget how much I like pears until I'm eating one.

If you put Steve Martin and Martin Short together you get Steve Martin Short. That could be a "before and after" puzzle on Wheel of Fortune.


My 28th year was kind of ridiculous in the amount of changes that were thrown my way slash that I facilitated. My grandpa got sick and peaced out. My mom was diagnosed with and beat leukemia. I quit a job that was causing me a crapton of stress and unhappiness. I had a roommate decide he didn't want to live in LA anymore and found a replacement roommate who ate all my ice cream and had to take action against that. I got another roommate who is totally awesome and causes me no stress! I broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years in search of...a lot of different things. I passed up a job that could've been great and longterm but knew I wouldn't be happy there. I started a different  job that introduced me to someone awesome. I learned that I'm not actually dead inside and that is both fantastic and not so great. I have a new best friend and reconnected with some other friends. I RAN A HALF MARATHON.

I dunno, man. For the most part, things are cool. I miss my grandpa, because he was the one who was always telling me to stick up for myself and I feel like maybe I've started doing that. I share an office with some pretty cool cats. I don't feel like an asshole all the time anymore...only half the time now. I get a free pizza for my birthday. Which is great, because I LOVE pizza.

So, 28, thanks for the laughs. I think I'm ready for 29 and the good times it'll bring. IT BETTER BE GOOD TIMES OR SOMEONE WILL HAVE SOME 'SPLAININ TO DO!