Thursday, September 18, 2014

What are you watching?

You guys, I have no self control. When it comes to almost anything. Food, Powerberries (I literally ate more than half the bag today), or TV shows...everything is my vice. (Except drugs. I'm a good kid.)

But with fall TV just around the corner (and by corner I mean it started this week and I'm already falling behind) it has become painfully obvious to me how little self control I have.

So far, I've watched the new episodes of returning shows The Mindy Project and New Girl, the pilot of Mysteries of Laura, and a continuing episode of Utopia (because I have a friend from college on the show so that one is like...a must).

Still recorded and ready to watch I have:

A new episode of Franklin & Bash, the pilot of Red Band Society, an episode of Couples Therapy (because I want to see how crazy Juan Pablo and Nikki really are), 7 episodes of Hollywood Game Night (in case I run out of things to watch, because that's how normal people think), an old episode of Parks and Rec that literally makes me laugh EVERY TIME I turn it on (watch out for that fence), the lifetime movie Petals on the Wind (which was recorded in May - MAY YOU GUYS), 5 episodes each of The Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail/@midnight, and two episodes of Skin Wars. Plus tonight are the season finales of Married, You're the Worst (one of the BEST NEW SHOWS, and that is not sarcasm like Bachelor in Paradise-style), and Satisfaction. Luckily those will be taken out of rotation and I won't have to worry about them anymore.

But seriously...that's almost 30 things I have recorded!!!!! And fall TV isn't even in full swing yet!! YOU GUYS WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!

I know the logical explanation is to figure out what I want to watch and cut back. But just like I can't stop putting my hand in that stupid Powerberries bag (that's another three I just ate), I can't stop watching. There are just too many good shows out (and please excuse my random reality recordings - those aren't included in that statement).

The good news is that I only have 63 things recording between now and October 1st.

.......I don't have a problem. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go update my spreadsheet full of shows.

PS The only way I even know it's fall is because of the tv, because these temperatures are definitely not feeling like fall. (Had to mention the weather. Of course.)

What are you watching?

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

LOVE LOST AND FOUND - Final episode of Bachelor in Paradise

It's the LAST ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Six couples live happily in paradise:

Marcus and Lacy
Robert and Sarah
Tasos and Christy
Zack and Jackie
Cody and Michelle
AshLee and Graham 

They all seem very much in love....OR ARE THEY?! (I mean, probably, it's been like five minutes for all of them and that's how things work in this world...)

Graham wakes up with a feeling of anxiety. (He's probably realizing that Paradise is almost over and AshLee is going to try and trap him with a baby.)

Change is coming! CHRIS HARRISON! 

Oh snap. These relationships are about to be put to the test. Can these go from Paradise to real life? If not, BREAK UP AND GO HOME! 

Michelle: "People always say when you know you know. I think I know, but I don't really know.....I don't know." Very eloquently put.

Guys and girls split up, to discuss their relationships with not each other. That's exactly what Chris said to do, people. Good job.

AshLee starts talking about how she feels about Graham, and Michelle is not buying it. Neither is anyone else. AshLee's crazy eyes aren't making an appearance at the moment though, and that's a little strange. 

Michelle goes off to talk to Graham after AshLee gives her speech. Uh oh. Sarah and Lacy know that AshLee is being delusional in thinking that Michelle is going to talk to Graham and say good things about AshLee, or that she's going to talk to him about her relationship with Cody. (Sorry for all the names). AshLee thinks that Michelle's going to talk to Graham just because this whole thing is really hard for her. REALITY CHECK ASHLEE, NO. And AshLee's heart is heavy for Michelle and it makes her want to cry for her. AND SHE DOES. Wow. I wish I could cry on the spot like that.

Michelle is telling Graham that AshLee is fake, and here to put on a show and not genuine. Graham looks genuinely shocked, and kind of upset. Sad for him, he seems like a good guy.

Ha! Lacy CLEARLY doesn't like AshLee. While talking to AshLee she's got the same kind of tone of voice and facial expression that I get when I talk to idiots. Good times. 


AshLee and Graham are going to have their conversation now about whether they're going to pursue this after leaving. Graham asks AshLee how she's feeling and she says "I'm just, um, how are you feeling?" Because she can't think of feelings on her own. She has to feel the room's vibe first. Graham is not feeling great. Obviously. Graham says he doesn't think he can continue on in the real world. They break up! One couple down. They hug.

In his interview, Graham says he thought he would feel more relief, but he feels sad.  AshLee cries. Michelle hugs Graham. She asks how AshLee's doing, and Graham says she took it pretty well.

Lacy says AshLee is delusional. AshLee leaves! Still crying.


el oh el, Graham says "For me, Paradise is lost." Sad. Graham leaves!

Christy and Tasos! They break up, but it's very amicable. They hug.

Jackie and Zack! They break up! Also very amicable. They hug.

Cody is worried about Michelle. He says he loves her.

Another bird!

Michelle stares out at the ocean, hoping it will tell her what to do.

Sarah and Robert are not packing their bags. They hug anyway because that's what couples do.

Michelle walks on the beach because she thinks she's in a music video.


A turtle!

Lacy tells Michelle that Cody is worried and that she needs to talk to him. Michelle acts like she doesn't know how this works. "I have to just decide? I don't like that."

Michelle is talking to her daughter about Cody. Aw, her daughter is talking about how it doesn't matter if he's cute, it's based on his personality and how she feels about him and how he treats her. That's a smart kid. So I guess they're going to stay together too!

Chris Harrison!

That's three couples still together:
Lacy and Marcus 
Sarah and Robert 
Michelle and Cody

They all get one more date to have the hard questions. Overnight dates!
Chris Harrison just ruined everyone's dreams by saying love isn't a fairytale. WHAT.

Sarah is most excited for the alone time, because it's so romantic. She's excited to kiss and cuddle him. That's adorable.

Michelle is worried about the overnight date. Because she isn't even sure if they're there for the right reasons. Michelle says by the end of the date she'll either be jumping in two feet with Cody or walking away and that's great that she knows what her ONLY TWO OPTIONS ARE.

No word from Lacy and Marcus because they've probably already done it.

Back from the commercial break with Cody and Michelle both putting on lipstick.

Last date for everybody! They all look great. 

Robert and Sarah see their beautiful hotel room with a hot tub. Nice. He's happy to be there with her, and they cheers. They're in the hot tub! Making out. "This is the perfect opportunity for Robert to get to know me in every way he can get to know me. Off camera." CAMERAS LEAVE! "I hope he goes there, I hope he digs deep." Sexy tiiiiiiime. Woo woo!

Marcus and Lacy's date. Lacy says the next person she says "I love you" to is it for her and that Marcus understands that. Does he really? Or... I mean...isn't he it for you? You're in paradise, and you're still there...doesn't that mean you're done? LACY SAYS THAT MARCUS COMPLETES HER. Ugh. I just threw up a little. Aw she smiled a little bit and just said he's everything she ever wanted and then THEY EXCHANGED I LOVE YOUS. Awwwwwwww. Make out time. Gross.

Cody and Michelle are at dinner. Michelle is worried about letting down her daughter and she's scared, and that it wouldn't matter what guy was sitting across from her (which, kind of ouch). Cody says she wants someday for her to be his wife. She says he's not getting laid tonight but they're still going to the fantasy suite. Sexy kind of? AND THEN MICHELLE TALKS ABOUT CODY'S THING. But they bleep it.


Lacy felt amazing. They stayed up all night talking, and "loving on each other" (sex) and showed each other what love really is (more sex). They whisper I love you.

Robert thinks the overnight date was perfect. And Sarah says she had a good night's sleep.

Cody and Michelle comes back and Michelle says after her date last night she IS REALLY SORE AND VERY SATISFIED. HAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT. SEX. And then Michelle announces that she has a boyfriend. They sat and talked and THEN DID IT. And Cody says he marked some things off his bucket list wink wink. 

Everyone is smiling and all happy and saying that they had a good night and Sarah's like "us too" and Robert says "that's good" in a way that makes it sound like they did not have a good time. And there is tip toe music which makes it sound like something is happening........Robert starts blowing his nose on Sarah and they seem like they have been together for 10 years and not 3 weeks. Uh oh. She says he had his jeans on under the covers and they just went to sleep. Robert didn't want to be physical with her...Sounds like Robert had a case of the first night jitters. OR he just wanted to be respectful. I'm sure we'll find out later!!

Sarah hears the other girls talking and feels jealous. She says she went to unbuckle his jeans and he stopped her. Sad face. She's talking to him about it though, which is very adult. BUT she is comparing her relationship to other relationships, which isn't fair to Robert or herself. He felt that they had a great time, and she says that she didn't feel this way until she heard the other couples talking. So they're breaking up?! This is sad. He says he's feeling pretty upset right now so he's going to take off. Sad. He should've fought for her! Or she should've just conceded. Go after him!

She's talking to the girls about him now. This is so sad. I want her to go after him, because he has treated her really well other than that one thing and maybe he just was nervous about what was happening. It was their first night together. I'm so sad for them. BUT fair enough that she feels bad because he didn't want to make out with her when they were laying in bed together. That is a little weird. It's not like they've been working all day and they're just too tired. THAT'S REAL LIFE.

He says he kept using the phrase "I like you" because it's hard for him to put himself out there and that he gave it his best shot. No you didn't! You should have told her that you still like her and that you were purposely taking it slow and maybe continued talking about this like adults. THIS IS SO SAD. I'm happy this show is almost over because I am WAY too invested in this now. Maybe they'll get back together after the show. Here's hoping. :(

Chris Harrison!

OMG OLD COUPLES! (from the show, not literal old couples, but that would be cool)

Des and Chris (Good thing Brooks didn't stick around)
Sean and Catherine
Some other couple that I don't know

They all give advice to the new couples. This section is kind of cute and I don't know how to comment on it.

But Sean and Catherine are still my favorite, they're so cute.

Everyone is in love! YOU GUYS. LOVE. WHAT. LOVE. SO MUCH LOVE. OK.

How is there still 20 minutes left in the show?


One final rose ceremony I guess?
Haha, all the old couples are sitting in the same position. Guys have their arm around the girls, and girls have their hand on the guy's leg. Cuties.

Cody gives Michelle a rose. And Michelle gives Cody a rose too. They both accept.

Marcus and Lacy's turn!
Marcus wants a second alone with Lacy. What's happening. He's super sweaty.
OMG IS HE GOING TO PROPOSE?! OMG HE IS PROPOSING! HE JUST PROPOSED! HE GOT DOWN ON ONE KNEE AND NOW THEY'RE ENGAGED! WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! THEY'RE ENGAGED! THIS SHOW YOU GUYS - TRUE LOVE! Marcus just really wanted to propose and since he didn't get to do that to Andi he did it to Lacy. ENGAGEMENT! COOL. But they still have to do the final rose. So he has to fake propose again. Engagement. Sexy. Lacy gives him a rose too. Cool. 

Everybody leaves Paradise.

They're doing a "where is everybody now" thing. HAHAHAHA
Sarah is back in LA looking for a new man
Robert still sleeps in his jeans
Graham deleted his instagram account
Michelle K and Ryan Putz are no longer together - they continue to make excellent life decisions
Clare is back in Sacramento looking for her soul mate - the raccoon is hoping that she picks him
Elise and Chris broke up after only two weeks
Michelle and Cody are still very much in love, Cody is moving to Utah, but first he's training the new bachelor
Marcus and Lacy are still in love and she's moving to Dallas, they're planning a spring wedding. There's an 80/40 chance they'll have hot babies.

Congratulations guys, you've made it through this season of Bachelor in Paradise.


Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Cheers to Love and Wild Animals - Episode 6 of Bachelor in Paradise!

Last time on Bachelor in Paradise...

Michelle and Cody basically got married. Lacy and Marcus are still totes together. Sarah and Robert are cuties. Graham and AshLee are still together, even though everyone knows AshLee is crazy. Clare left. Zack and Jackie started hitting it off. Christy and Jesse are bangin' after having a weird threesome. I think that's about all you need to know.

This week in Paradise......!!!

Damn, Jackie has nice arms!

The show starts off right where we left off, basically, just after the rose ceremony. Sarah knows what's up with Jesse, that he's just here for the free booze and to hook up. DUH.

Cody told Michelle he loved her right before the rose ceremony. IT'S BEEN LIKE TWO SECONDS! HOW IS HE ALREADY IN LOVE WITH HER? I mean I guess when you know you know but, like, no.

Date card! Marcus. Ha, they aren't even giving him a choice anymore. It says "Marcus, choose a Lacy to go on your date with you." Smooooooth.

Lizard! Oh no. Marcus and Lacy are supposed to go down a hole. Scary. It's a cave! And the producer tries to teach Lacy about stalactites and stalagmites and it does not go well. She sees "stalaglites" as they get into the cave. Words are hard, people.

Lacy tells Marcus that she's falling in love with him and then they show us footage of parrots, monkeys, deer, lizards... WILD ANIMALS, YOU GUYS. THEY'RE GOING TO DO IT LIKE WILD ANIMALS. Or am I reading that wrong? (I don't think so.)

Michelle said she wanted to find love here, but now that she's getting it, she doesn't want it anymore. Poor Cody. Jesse is telling Michelle to cut it off, but I think that's because he wants to doooooo her.

Sarah and Robert are totally together now. She doesn't want anyone else to come so she can just spend a couple more weeks with just her and Robert. Cut to Brooks showing up! He was from Des' season, and she loooooved him. She ended up picking Chris because Brooks was like NOPE, I'm outta here! (But Des and Chris are still together so yay for them.) And Brooks has a date card! Sarah is bummed because she wanted Brooks to be here and now he is but she's got all this great stuff growing with Robert. SO BOO. And Brooks says that he's immediately attracted to Sarah and that's she someone he would date. But Robert does that manly ownership thing and says "YOU WILL NOT LOOK IN THIS DIRECTION" while wrapping his arms around Sarah. Poor Sarah. She wants him to ask her, buuuuut Robert literally just said "if you ask her out, I will kill you." Cool. That's not scary at all. So Brooks asks out...Jackie. Because he doesn't feel like dying. Even though he really wants to go with Sarah.

Brooks and Jackie's date. She's impressed that he can speak Spanish. They're actually super cute together. Weird. And now Zack is bummed because he wanted to hang out with Jackie. Ha, Brooks - "Is it this awkward every time someone comes back from a date?"

Robert leaves a note on Sarah's bed, and she thinks it's the cutest thing anyone has ever done for her. She's thinking that she wants to break up with Robert, because she likes Brooks, but maybe because of the note she won't? Aw, Brooks being there makes Sarah feel like Robert is the guy for her. So cute. She's falling in love with Robert! CUTE! Will they date in LA? Can I follow them? (I won't follow them. Except on Twitter.)

Cody and Michelle seesaw again. Cody loves Michelle, Michelle is nervous about stuff. I feel like he said this speech during Andi's season the night she broke up with him. Hmm. But Michelle is going to stick with him, she's just nervous about all of it because it's been a week.

I really want onion rings. (Sorry, just thought I'd put that in there.)

Uh oh. Michelle is telling Christy that Lucy did some censor-worthy stuff with Jesse. So now Christy is saying she hates Jesse and that he's misogynistic. Christy is also saying she wants to go home, but she's going to leave it in God's hands. MORE WILD ANIMALS! WHAT COULD IT MEAN?! Also angel-type music. Interesting...

Someone new is here! It's a dude! It's Tasos! From Andi's season. Oh no! Cody says that Tasos is a stand up guy and he's got nothing but good things to say about him, but then Tasos picks Michelle to talk to! Maybe she'll go on the date with him! OH NO CODY LOOK WHAT YOU DID WITH YOUR WORDS!

Hahaha they're all saying Cody is the incredible Hulk. Graham says that if Tasos asks Michelle, Cody is going to rip his leg off. This is great.

Aw, but then Michelle tells Tasos to ask Christy because he's a good guy and she deserves that. And Tasos says nice things about Cody too. So nice.  Hahahaha Michelle - "If I were Christy, I'd be tossing the Sos out of Tasos." And just to prove that nothing happened with Michelle and Tasos, she goes straight to Cody to make out with his face and says "I'm gonna tear you up." Sexy.

And now Christy and Tasos are going on a date. So cayute. Oh my gosh, and he's actually being respectful, and nice. That's awesome. And Christy definitely deserves a guy like Tasos after being with a guy like Jesse. Jesse can just get outta here.

Brooks and Jackie are playing Horse, and Zack is just watching. Awkward. Date card! It's for Zack. Zack is obviously going to ask Jackie.

Graham is turning into one of my favorites. He was like "I'm alright" about not getting the date card, but "AshLee is going to cut someone." BECAUSE SHE'S CRAZY. CRAAAAAAAZY. AshLee looks bummed when Zack says that he has the date card. AshLee says "I just want to express my un-gratitude for that moment." Ha. Get over it. They know what's going on in their relationship, and there are people there who need to know what's going on by going on their own date! Wow, Michelle is super fake, too. Awkward. She's going to keep her eyes on AshLee like a hawk.

Zack and Jackie's date. I'm bored. (I think they went to the same place as Lacy and Marcus.) Jackie says that this is the best date she's been on so far, after the four dates that she's gotten to go on in Paradise. And Zack is saying that he felt a connection with Jackie before they met, just from looking at her pictures. That's a little sketchy, but sure, go with it. At least he's not stalking her on Instagram? Bonus points? Zack and Jackie kiss! Magical. RIP Brooks.

Cocktail party! Jesse is talking about how he's had a great experience and how he's totally going to KIT with everyone. 2 Cool 2 B 4 GOTTEN!

Chris Harrison! Ladies get to hand out the roses tonight.

Aw, Zack got Jackie a bracelet. It's the kind where you make a wish when you tie it on, and when it falls off your wish will come true. That's cute. And now Brooks is going to try and convince Jackie to let him stay. And Brooks says that they promised to paint each other's nails. So he brought nail polish and now they're painting each other's pinkies. That's cute too. Aw. JACKIE WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!

Jeez. Jesse just says "I'm not here to start a relationship with a dumb blonde." This whole time he's been a master manipulator, and now he's making Christy feel bad about not wanting the relationship to go any further. Christy has already told Tasos that he's going to get all her time for the rest of the time they're there. Yay. Jesse decides to leave on his own, instead of going through the rose ceremony. Good job, idiot.

FOR EVERY WOMAN IN AMERICA, NOW IS YOUR TIME CHRISTY! YOU TELL HIM.  Christy, Lacy, and Michelle go talk to Jesse about how he's been disrespecting women by telling all the guys everything. He's been busy fooling around on everyone. Poor Christy, getting manipulated here and being treated so badly by him. I called that from the start, although the interviews made him pretty transparent. But he was parading as a good guy in front of all the ladies so he could experience Paradise with his toolbox. Gross. Get outta here Jesse.


Rose ceremony!

Chris Harrison!

Definite couples going in:
Sarah and Robert
Lacy and Marcus
AshLee and Graham
Michelle and Cody
Christy and Tasos


Lacy picks...Marcus. (We're very much in love.)
AshLee picks...Graham. (I'm truly blessed and lucky to have you here.)
Sarah picks...Robert. (I feel this relationship evolving...can't wait to take it home to California.)
Michelle picks...Cody. (I would be an absolute fool to let Cody walk away.)
Christy picks...Tasos. (cuties.)
Jackie picks...............DRAMATIC BUILD!!!!!!! Zack! RIP Brooks.

Cheers to finding love in Paradise. Sarahdise. Michelleadise. Lacydise. AshLeedise. Christydise. Jackiedise.

That was the last rose ceremony! No more new arrivals, no more date cards...

You guys next week is the final week?! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!

Probably have too many other shows to watch to keep this up. Heh.