Wednesday, September 10, 2014

LOVE LOST AND FOUND - Final episode of Bachelor in Paradise

It's the LAST ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Six couples live happily in paradise:

Marcus and Lacy
Robert and Sarah
Tasos and Christy
Zack and Jackie
Cody and Michelle
AshLee and Graham 

They all seem very much in love....OR ARE THEY?! (I mean, probably, it's been like five minutes for all of them and that's how things work in this world...)

Graham wakes up with a feeling of anxiety. (He's probably realizing that Paradise is almost over and AshLee is going to try and trap him with a baby.)

Change is coming! CHRIS HARRISON! 

Oh snap. These relationships are about to be put to the test. Can these go from Paradise to real life? If not, BREAK UP AND GO HOME! 

Michelle: "People always say when you know you know. I think I know, but I don't really know.....I don't know." Very eloquently put.

Guys and girls split up, to discuss their relationships with not each other. That's exactly what Chris said to do, people. Good job.

AshLee starts talking about how she feels about Graham, and Michelle is not buying it. Neither is anyone else. AshLee's crazy eyes aren't making an appearance at the moment though, and that's a little strange. 

Michelle goes off to talk to Graham after AshLee gives her speech. Uh oh. Sarah and Lacy know that AshLee is being delusional in thinking that Michelle is going to talk to Graham and say good things about AshLee, or that she's going to talk to him about her relationship with Cody. (Sorry for all the names). AshLee thinks that Michelle's going to talk to Graham just because this whole thing is really hard for her. REALITY CHECK ASHLEE, NO. And AshLee's heart is heavy for Michelle and it makes her want to cry for her. AND SHE DOES. Wow. I wish I could cry on the spot like that.

Michelle is telling Graham that AshLee is fake, and here to put on a show and not genuine. Graham looks genuinely shocked, and kind of upset. Sad for him, he seems like a good guy.

Ha! Lacy CLEARLY doesn't like AshLee. While talking to AshLee she's got the same kind of tone of voice and facial expression that I get when I talk to idiots. Good times. 


AshLee and Graham are going to have their conversation now about whether they're going to pursue this after leaving. Graham asks AshLee how she's feeling and she says "I'm just, um, how are you feeling?" Because she can't think of feelings on her own. She has to feel the room's vibe first. Graham is not feeling great. Obviously. Graham says he doesn't think he can continue on in the real world. They break up! One couple down. They hug.

In his interview, Graham says he thought he would feel more relief, but he feels sad.  AshLee cries. Michelle hugs Graham. She asks how AshLee's doing, and Graham says she took it pretty well.

Lacy says AshLee is delusional. AshLee leaves! Still crying.


el oh el, Graham says "For me, Paradise is lost." Sad. Graham leaves!

Christy and Tasos! They break up, but it's very amicable. They hug.

Jackie and Zack! They break up! Also very amicable. They hug.

Cody is worried about Michelle. He says he loves her.

Another bird!

Michelle stares out at the ocean, hoping it will tell her what to do.

Sarah and Robert are not packing their bags. They hug anyway because that's what couples do.

Michelle walks on the beach because she thinks she's in a music video.


A turtle!

Lacy tells Michelle that Cody is worried and that she needs to talk to him. Michelle acts like she doesn't know how this works. "I have to just decide? I don't like that."

Michelle is talking to her daughter about Cody. Aw, her daughter is talking about how it doesn't matter if he's cute, it's based on his personality and how she feels about him and how he treats her. That's a smart kid. So I guess they're going to stay together too!

Chris Harrison!

That's three couples still together:
Lacy and Marcus 
Sarah and Robert 
Michelle and Cody

They all get one more date to have the hard questions. Overnight dates!
Chris Harrison just ruined everyone's dreams by saying love isn't a fairytale. WHAT.

Sarah is most excited for the alone time, because it's so romantic. She's excited to kiss and cuddle him. That's adorable.

Michelle is worried about the overnight date. Because she isn't even sure if they're there for the right reasons. Michelle says by the end of the date she'll either be jumping in two feet with Cody or walking away and that's great that she knows what her ONLY TWO OPTIONS ARE.

No word from Lacy and Marcus because they've probably already done it.

Back from the commercial break with Cody and Michelle both putting on lipstick.

Last date for everybody! They all look great. 

Robert and Sarah see their beautiful hotel room with a hot tub. Nice. He's happy to be there with her, and they cheers. They're in the hot tub! Making out. "This is the perfect opportunity for Robert to get to know me in every way he can get to know me. Off camera." CAMERAS LEAVE! "I hope he goes there, I hope he digs deep." Sexy tiiiiiiime. Woo woo!

Marcus and Lacy's date. Lacy says the next person she says "I love you" to is it for her and that Marcus understands that. Does he really? Or... I mean...isn't he it for you? You're in paradise, and you're still there...doesn't that mean you're done? LACY SAYS THAT MARCUS COMPLETES HER. Ugh. I just threw up a little. Aw she smiled a little bit and just said he's everything she ever wanted and then THEY EXCHANGED I LOVE YOUS. Awwwwwwww. Make out time. Gross.

Cody and Michelle are at dinner. Michelle is worried about letting down her daughter and she's scared, and that it wouldn't matter what guy was sitting across from her (which, kind of ouch). Cody says she wants someday for her to be his wife. She says he's not getting laid tonight but they're still going to the fantasy suite. Sexy kind of? AND THEN MICHELLE TALKS ABOUT CODY'S THING. But they bleep it.


Lacy felt amazing. They stayed up all night talking, and "loving on each other" (sex) and showed each other what love really is (more sex). They whisper I love you.

Robert thinks the overnight date was perfect. And Sarah says she had a good night's sleep.

Cody and Michelle comes back and Michelle says after her date last night she IS REALLY SORE AND VERY SATISFIED. HAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT. SEX. And then Michelle announces that she has a boyfriend. They sat and talked and THEN DID IT. And Cody says he marked some things off his bucket list wink wink. 

Everyone is smiling and all happy and saying that they had a good night and Sarah's like "us too" and Robert says "that's good" in a way that makes it sound like they did not have a good time. And there is tip toe music which makes it sound like something is happening........Robert starts blowing his nose on Sarah and they seem like they have been together for 10 years and not 3 weeks. Uh oh. She says he had his jeans on under the covers and they just went to sleep. Robert didn't want to be physical with her...Sounds like Robert had a case of the first night jitters. OR he just wanted to be respectful. I'm sure we'll find out later!!

Sarah hears the other girls talking and feels jealous. She says she went to unbuckle his jeans and he stopped her. Sad face. She's talking to him about it though, which is very adult. BUT she is comparing her relationship to other relationships, which isn't fair to Robert or herself. He felt that they had a great time, and she says that she didn't feel this way until she heard the other couples talking. So they're breaking up?! This is sad. He says he's feeling pretty upset right now so he's going to take off. Sad. He should've fought for her! Or she should've just conceded. Go after him!

She's talking to the girls about him now. This is so sad. I want her to go after him, because he has treated her really well other than that one thing and maybe he just was nervous about what was happening. It was their first night together. I'm so sad for them. BUT fair enough that she feels bad because he didn't want to make out with her when they were laying in bed together. That is a little weird. It's not like they've been working all day and they're just too tired. THAT'S REAL LIFE.

He says he kept using the phrase "I like you" because it's hard for him to put himself out there and that he gave it his best shot. No you didn't! You should have told her that you still like her and that you were purposely taking it slow and maybe continued talking about this like adults. THIS IS SO SAD. I'm happy this show is almost over because I am WAY too invested in this now. Maybe they'll get back together after the show. Here's hoping. :(

Chris Harrison!

OMG OLD COUPLES! (from the show, not literal old couples, but that would be cool)

Des and Chris (Good thing Brooks didn't stick around)
Sean and Catherine
Some other couple that I don't know

They all give advice to the new couples. This section is kind of cute and I don't know how to comment on it.

But Sean and Catherine are still my favorite, they're so cute.

Everyone is in love! YOU GUYS. LOVE. WHAT. LOVE. SO MUCH LOVE. OK.

How is there still 20 minutes left in the show?


One final rose ceremony I guess?
Haha, all the old couples are sitting in the same position. Guys have their arm around the girls, and girls have their hand on the guy's leg. Cuties.

Cody gives Michelle a rose. And Michelle gives Cody a rose too. They both accept.

Marcus and Lacy's turn!
Marcus wants a second alone with Lacy. What's happening. He's super sweaty.
OMG IS HE GOING TO PROPOSE?! OMG HE IS PROPOSING! HE JUST PROPOSED! HE GOT DOWN ON ONE KNEE AND NOW THEY'RE ENGAGED! WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! THEY'RE ENGAGED! THIS SHOW YOU GUYS - TRUE LOVE! Marcus just really wanted to propose and since he didn't get to do that to Andi he did it to Lacy. ENGAGEMENT! COOL. But they still have to do the final rose. So he has to fake propose again. Engagement. Sexy. Lacy gives him a rose too. Cool. 

Everybody leaves Paradise.

They're doing a "where is everybody now" thing. HAHAHAHA
Sarah is back in LA looking for a new man
Robert still sleeps in his jeans
Graham deleted his instagram account
Michelle K and Ryan Putz are no longer together - they continue to make excellent life decisions
Clare is back in Sacramento looking for her soul mate - the raccoon is hoping that she picks him
Elise and Chris broke up after only two weeks
Michelle and Cody are still very much in love, Cody is moving to Utah, but first he's training the new bachelor
Marcus and Lacy are still in love and she's moving to Dallas, they're planning a spring wedding. There's an 80/40 chance they'll have hot babies.

Congratulations guys, you've made it through this season of Bachelor in Paradise.


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