Friday, November 9, 2012

Locked Up

Everyone is always talking about their hearts. "I'm heartbroken." " My heart is full of love." "It warmed my heart to see that." "She stole my heart."

I feel like I put my heart away years ago and haven't had the courage to let it out. It's wrapped in a jail cell, where it can see, and it knows that there are things out there that it wants, but it can't quite reach them. Because if it reaches them, someday it'll break again, and it's too fragile for that. 

But hearts are made to be broken, aren't they? If they weren't, why would it be so easy to make them fall apart? That's how you figure out what your heart wants most. And yet, I keep it hidden. No freedom for my heart. 

Maybe I don't know what being heartbroken actually feels like because of how long it's been away from the world. Left in the past, never seen again. Even though love was spoken of, who knows if it was really there. Just because you say "I love you" doesn't mean your heart is there...or maybe that's not how love works.

"Quit playing games with my heart." 

Talking about hearts makes me lightheaded. Too nervous to even think about giving my heart away, and yet it seems so easy for you to talk about it, casually bring it up in conversation. 

I want the love. But I can't let my heart out of it's jail cell. Maybe you have the key.

(written 10/12/12, postponed for marination)

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