sometimes you f-eel like a nut

James: Oh! did I tell you that I got into a fight this weekend too?
me: WHAT THE HELL JAMES
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE
James: it was nuits
the first fight of my life
and I have a slightly black eye
me: what happened?!
James: I was leaving a bar, and this guy shoved me over a fire hydrant
cuz I guess I was in his way?
and so I started yelling at him, calling him all kinds of names
and really if I had just shut my mouth, I probably would have made it home intact
cuz I just kept on him
until he came over and started swinging
me: did you fight back or was it just one punch and you were out?
James: his first punch took my glasses off
so then we started tussling
me: wow
James: it was in front of an apartment building, and someone in there yelled that they were calling the cops
and he ran off
and I got in a cab and went home
me: well good job not getting hurt too bad
James: it really was the exact perfect amount of a fight
I had something to show for it, but nothing was really hurt
me: were you by yourself at that point?
James: yes
if I had been with anyone else, I definitely would have let it go
me: you are a troublemaker
me: what did kelsey say about all this?
James: she was out of town this weekend
so I called her and told her yesterday
and she said "I told you to be safe while I was gone!"
me: good job listening
James: okay, let's all agree right now that I'm definitely not the kind of person who goes around starting fights
me: no
you're a huge fight starter
you're an instigator
insta-gator
YOU'RE AN INSTANT ALLIGATOR
congratulations
James: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
if you had sent me a pic of that eel right after that, I would have broken this computer from laughing so hard

ALSO EVERYONE SHOULD GO LOOK AT THIS BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME.